Media Relations: media commentary and criticism

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

full moon o'er the mpaa

E! Online News - Clooney's Butt-Baring Battle: Steven Soderbergh's willing to go to war to save George Clooney's ass.      And we're talking literally.      Sources tell E! Online that the Oscar-winning Traffic director plans to petition the Motion Picture Association of America to overturn the R rating the board slapped on the filmmaker's upcoming sci-fi drama Solaris. The source of contention: Clooney's exposed posterior.

George Clooney's ass is R-rated. My, my, my.

One wonders, do you have to have a spectacular ass to get an R rating? Or a spectacularly ugly one?

For example, Joe Pantoliano's ass has been on prominent display in one or two recent episodes of the Sopranos. If those had been major motion pictures, would Joey Pants' ass get an R rating? (Actually, as I recall, his ass contributed to the original NC-17 for "Bound", but mostly, that was all the under-the-dress stuff, and breastuses and what not. Especially the whatnot.)

Samuel L. Jackson's ass got an R for "Formula 17"; does that mean that his ass is just as good as Clooney's?

Seriously, what constitutes an R-rated ass? Is it really firm? Unusually saggy? Unusually hairy? Incredibly smooth? Would Tom Cruise's ass get an R rating? (I hereby apologize to Tom Cruise's lawyers for pondering the ratingsworthyness of his ass, and I by no means mean to imply anything about the ratings orientation of his ass. It could be G, it could be PG, it could be NC-17. Tom Cruise's ass is his own business.)

And why do men's asses get R ratings when women can have exposed bums and sometimes breasts and only get a PG-13? Does the MPAA feel that men's asses are really that much sexier? Depending on whose ass was on display, I might even agree with that concept, but somehow, I don't think that the hidebound prudes at the MPAA are really thinking, "Women's asses. Ho-hum. Been there, done that, seen it in movies everywhere since the 1960s. There's just no movie zing left to seeing a woman's ass on the big screen these days. Yawn .... WOW! George Clooney! What a spectacular ass! Children must be saved from this sight! Slap an R on that sucker!" I just don't think that the MPAA really means to say that a man's ass is more sexual than a woman's ass.

So, really, what does constitute an R-rated ass? Inquiring minds want to know!

Posted by iain at 11:59 AM in category