Wednesday, February 27, 2002
fame and punishment
Just when you think that there's a bare chance that Fox has become a respectable member of the television network world, you discover that perhaps, just perhaps, you might be mistaken. That they can, indeed, go lower.
They've actually managed to lower the bar twice in the same two week period, which is something even for them.
First, there was the Glutton Bowl. Basically, a bunch of guys getting together and eating, say, Kansas. ALL OF IT. Granted, this sort of thing happens all the time; after all, there is an International Federation of Competitive Eating. And granted, it was something to throw at the screen during the counterprogramming wasteland opposite the NBC Olympics broadcast, which pretty much ate the competition itself.
People, the winner ate sheep brains. On television. Lots of them. And let's face it: we've managed to survive for years and years without seeing competitive eating on television, mostly because competitive eating tends to make people never want to eat again.
But somehow that was not enough for Fox, oh no no no. No, they had to go that one step further.
According to the Feb 27 Access Hollywood and the Feb 28 Newsday, Fox just announced a celebrity boxing match between Tonya and Amy.
Three rounds. Three minutes each.
I can understand that there is a peculiar sick fascination in watching two admitted "bad girls" beat the crap out of each other. After all, two of our country's basic beliefs seem to be (a) battlin' babes are COOL! and (b) you can NEVER be punished enough for your transgressions. Ideally, you can get payment and punishment and massive viewership and ratings all in the same package, which would somehow seem to be the perfect definition of American celebrity. We love you! but we want to see you in pain. Only then have you achieved American Celebrity Nirvana!
The undercard -- undercard?? -- for this match will be Danny Bonaduce versus Barry Williams (Danny Partridge versus Greg Brady, in other words). Um ... what? Why? Who on earth would be interested in seeing that? The worst thing that Barry Williams ever seems to have done is to have admitted to a bit of teenage lust for Mama Brady -- who, after all, wasn't his mama, so who cares?
But wait! this gets even better: they're approaching Darva Conger and Paula Jones about doing another episode, and maybe Joey Buttafuoco, too! They want to turn it into a series called "Celebrity Boxing". Judging from the list of potential "boxers", celebrity is an extraordinarily loose term to use, but whatever.
I wonder if they tried to get Lorena Bobbit into this thing .... Hey, maybe they can get John Wayne Bobbit to do the match against Joey Buttafuoco. That would be appropriate, somehow.
Just remember: no low blows.
Posted by iain at 11:31 PM in category