Because, really, the FBI has nothing else whatsoever to do these days, what with the war on terror, various criminal investigations and the like taking up so little of its time.
The FBI is joining the Bush administration's War on Porn. And it's looking for a few good agents.
Early last month, the bureau's Washington Field Office began recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. Attached to the job posting was a July 29 Electronic Communication from FBI headquarters to all 56 field offices, describing the initiative as "one of the top priorities" of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and, by extension, of "the Director." That would be FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III. [...] The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against "manufacturers and purveyors" of pornography -- not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.
"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."
Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, "it's a running joke for us."
A few of the printable samples:
"Things I Don't Want On My Résumé, Volume Four."
"I already gave at home."
"Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves."
Federal obscenity prosecutions, which have been out of style since Attorney General Edwin Meese III in the Reagan administration made pornography a signature issue in the 1980s, do "encounter many legal issues, including First Amendment claims," the FBI headquarters memo noted....
Indeed.
And in this day and age, trying to figure out which local standards apply, when people are getting a fair amount of things over the Internet, will in and of itself be vastly entertaining. I'd be shocked if the Department of Injustice doesn't go jurisdiction-shopping -- Person A buys porn from someplace in California to be sent to New York, but transshipment just happens to cross through Utah, thus violating local statutes even though the package was never opened in that state, so both the producer and consumer are sent to trial in Utah, which is markedly more conservative than the rest of the country. Conviction achieved! ... until the appeals courts get hold of the thing and belabor the FBI and Department of Injustice vigorously about the head and shoulders with their professional lack of judgement.
The interesting thing about these convictions is that it takes long enough to build a case that most of them won't actually happen within the time frame of this administration. They'll start within it, yes, but then they'll be handed off to some new administration which will be stuck with these turkeys to defend.
Posted by iain at September 20, 2005 11:44 AM
