INTERPOL had informed the World Anti-Doping Agency that trafficking in steroids across Europe was now more profitable than dealing in recreational drugs, the Australian lawyer who heads the body said in Sydney yesterday.
Displaying a bladder-and-tube device the agency suspects some athletes at the Athens Olympics used to give bogus urine samples, David Howman said there appeared to be no swift end to the battle against sporting cheats. Mr Howman said the urine-filled bulb of the device was inserted in the anus and the tube, which had a pressure-sensitive on-off valve, was run under the athlete's penis so a genuine-looking sample could be given to watching drug testers.
He said it was an advance on the artificial rubber penises, available in eight skin shades, which would-be cheaters had previously used.
I don't know ... I'm not at all sure that something you have to stick up your bum and keep there for a significant amount of time actually is an improvement over the rubber whanger. And I would imagine that in order to make the flow come out, you have to ... er, well, clench. And do it hard and long, besides. Ordinary people would likely wind up with severe butt cramps.
(Regarding that rubber overcoat ... You just know some of the guys were caught using that thing because they had to, shall we say, enhance their normal proportions. The clumsier would have been caught because the thing just fell off. And when would you have the chance to stick that thing in there, anyway? Normal testing is done directly after the event, so you'd have to wear that thing through the event and for some time after. How wonderfully uncomfortable.
You'll likely have to wear the bulb setup during a meet as well. Just imagine the distress should you discover yourself clenching during an event. Clearly, there are some sports where using this is just not going to work well. Rowing for example, where you have to push so hard with your legs. "Stroke! {whiz!} Stroke! {whiz!}"
And imagine the truly sucky job that working drug enforcement at a meet is. Not only do you have to sit there and watch people whizz, over and over and over, but then you have to inspect the pene to make sure that it's their real genuine pene, and not a fake overcoat. And now you're going to have to make them bend over and stick a finger up their bum to make sure that the only thing up there is ... well, ew.)
Posted by iain at October 26, 2004 12:29 PM
