Dear Agony Uncle,
I'm a deeply closeted professional athlete, somehow having a relationship with an out and professional homosexual man. I won't lie; it's been rough. It's just that I've always wanted to be a pro baseball player. I thought we were OK, but then he wrote about our relationship in public! Named no names, but still, now everyone is speculating. After all, there are only so many team in the area.
He says that it would all blow over. He doesn't understand how ingrained the homophobia in professional sports is. Both management and a lot of the athletes would have a vested interest in getting me out as quick as they could. And I'm not a star; it would be easy to just drop my contract after the season's over, and nobody in baseball would pick up my contract after the media circus that would happen if I came out. He talks about Billy Bean, but he never came out while he was playing; he walked away from baseball so that he could come out.
And, of course, right now, I'm so mad at my boyfriend that I could spit nails. He had no right to do this to me.
So what the hell do I do now?
Sincerely, Baseball Player.
Dear Baseball Player,
It's a tough one, I'll admit. And I certainly don't have any real answers for you; all I have is more questions.
How much are you willing to let your fear restrict the rest of your life? How long can you live with that fear and those restrictions? If you come out and lose your career, can you bear that? Is your dream of playing baseball worth the rest of your life, for however long your playing career lasts?
Your boyfriend probably shouldn't have published an open letter to you, no, although I can sympathise with his aims. If you sincerely feel that harmed by him, you'll need to consider whether or not you want to stay in the relationship. However, that's dwarfed by the other issues, isn't it?
As for the rest of it .... well, someone's got to be first, haven't they? I know that sounds terribly glib, but it really isn't. If someone doesn't take the first step, then nobody will ever be able to take the second. Nobody will ever have the chance to make their off-field life a non-issue. (Granting that absent actual criminal behavior, off-field life should always be a non-issue, but given the cult of celebrity in the world, that will certainly never happen.)
Put it this way: if someone doesn't take that first step, nobody will have the chance to have their relationship be just a relationship and not an issue. After all, if this were a relatively routine sort of thing, then your relationship issues would stay between the two of you, and not get aired in public. After all, who would care?
Best of luck,
Agony Uncle
Copyright © 2001, Iain Jackson, after-words.org
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